Shaming versus Loving

Writing has always been a way for me to work out my thoughts on difficult subjects. Sometimes things just pop into my mind, then writing those thoughts out becomes healing. Unfortunately in today’s social media craze, we see unhealthy writing strategies emerging everyday. Unhealthy ways of criticizing others, tearing others down, and trying to push our “right” belief over their “wrong” belief.

Them versus Us.

As you read this you may think, “My friend (insert name here) really struggles with this.” Yet, instead of pointing the finger at your friend, think about your own posts or spoken words. Do you say or post things to shame others? Or do you say or post things because you love others?

What’s the difference?

Shaming involves calling others out. Pointing the blame at their issues in front of others. This can be done passive aggressively (without names) because… you know who you are. Or this can be outright calling someone out by name.

Shaming was a long used tactic as discipline for many years. Calling out a kid in front of their friends would supposedly shame them into doing what was right. This horrible strategy would cause fear inside a kid each and every time they even thought about doing or saying anything. Fear is a good thing, right? After all, we are suppose to “fear” the Lord.


Shaming does not involve loving someone else. Shaming lifts the person pointing the finger up in a higher position than the one being shamed.

Uh….you realize that means the person pointing the finger is actually the sinner, right?

Shaming involves pride, power, wrath, and sometimes a few other deadly sins.

Fear of the Lord involves respecting and loving the Lord so much that you want to do what will lift up His Kingdom. Shaming has no part in this.

Shaming and respect are exact opposites.

When we use love as our tool to communicate, things change. Posting with love means we truly want others to see the beauty of what we are saying. There is no calling out of another. We say or post things with a loving heart. Praying that we can all come to a reasonable solution.

Shaming divides our community.

Loving unites our community.

Shaming shows the differences in each other.

Loving shows the similarities in each other.

Shaming lives off of fear.

Loving lives off of respect.

With so much dividing us right now, how do we find love in our hearts?


Pray more.

Understand and find empathy in another’s position and what that person is trying to get you to hear.

Stop putting yourself first.

Stop trying to win the conversation.

Listen. Really listen.

Stop thinking your way is the only way.

Find love for others. Deep in your heart. Just find love.

After all, Christ would find love. His rebukes were always loving, never shameful. He rebuked others because he loved them so much. He never felt anyone was beyond being loved. That is the truth.

For some deeper thought on this… watch this wonderful video.

About aslamkowski

Blogger, Speaker and Author of "Revealing Faith: Learning to Place God First in Your Life" Most importantly, desperately wanting to hear and follow God's Will, wife of Peter and mother of three kids.
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