“The end is never the end; it is only the beginning.” —Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver.
I have read this book over and over. As I sat this morning, reflecting on this passage, I couldn’t help think about my own brick walls.
Brick walls cause an abrupt stop, a confusion of the mind, the immediate need for a decision or new plan, and sometimes a scream for help.
Yesterday, we spent quite a bit of time with our daughter, Katie’s, doctors. Katie was diagnosed with a seizure disorder at the age of 1. For 13 years she has found inventive ways to deal with these seizures. Brick walls are part of her life and she has a knack for finding ways around them that has always inspired me.
I honestly do not handle brick walls quite as well as Katie. In fact, yesterday was a rough day for me because it was a devastating brick wall. Or maybe I should say it seemed like a brick wall we had already journeyed around. Repeat brick walls really frustrate me. Having the doctors tell us that they could not see the seizure activity was rough. Hearing Katie doubt herself about whether or not she really had even felt a seizure was heart breaking. Acknowledging that we may have to try another medication on top of the almost dozens of meds we had already tried was defeating.
New plan needed.
Katie’s only options were trying new meds and more testing. More testing that will involve at least 5 days in the hospital – and could lead to a possible craniotomy. Well, let’s just say it was a brick wall, I wasn’t ready to hit.
So, this morning as I read those words…
“The end is never the end; it is only the beginning.”
I realized that this brick wall is not an ending, but a new beginning. Stay with me here, because this was a hard one for me to wrap my head around.
God has given us an opportunity for a breather. We don’t need to rush with the testing. We can sit back and allow the new plan to settle a bit. Even if we wait a year to move forward, Katie will be fine. In a year, things in the medical world may change. New procedures are always happening in the Epilepsy world. Changes abound all the time. Just in Katie’s lifetime there have been amazing advances in creating seizure free opportunities.
This brick wall could be a game changer for Katie. In fact, it may open new doors of opportunity that we never realized.
I am not going to lie. I am still mourning the pathway that was blocked. I still wish there was an easy way for Katie. I am constantly saddened that life is so hard for her. I wish – just for once – that things would work out for her the way I had planned (this would be my wish to control everything).
I have to have faith that God has control of this, and He loves her more than I could ever imagine.
Katie told us in the hospital that maybe all of the things that she has gone through will somehow help someone else (down the road) that has these same issues. Maybe, just maybe her brick walls were created to open doors for someone else.
Now that is powerful.
If only I could see a brick wall as a new beginning as clearly as Katie.
The end is never the end; it is only the beginning.”