In the past when I struggled in my faith life, my tendency was to see my faith in new ways. It wasn’t uncommon for me to go to a different worship service, find time in our adoration chapel, jump into a new bible study or find a new place for my prayer life to be enriched. I just would do things that were a little different from my normal routine. For some reason, finding my faith in different-from-the-norm places gave me a new perspective which sparked my faith once again.
Recently, we have been trying to find a solution for Katie’s seizure disorder. In today’s world, doctors (not always but most times) try to treat the symptoms rather than to find the true cause. It has bothered me greatly especially with our little Katie. She has been on 6 different seizure drugs and suffers from anxiety, depression and ADHD. Her school work is often times difficult and tedious for her. For 9 years now, we have coped with her anger and anxiety at home. We try to find ways to help her. We see a homeopathic doctor along with her neurologist. The two do not always agree, and I tend to lean on the homeopathic doctor for almost everything. His help in Katie’s daily battles has been amazing. So, when he suggested a new brain therapy for Katie, I couldn’t help but be intrigued.
I tend to look at new, out-of-the-box ideas when I search for help for my little girl. This week, Katie had some tests run and it has been determined that she is a candidate for the therapy. The hope is that Katie will overcome her anxiety that chains her down from enjoying life, and the cherry on the sundae would be if she can overcome her seizure disorder. Time will tell. So the journey has begun.
As I sat down today, I had to acknowledge that I was working harder for Katie than I was for myself. I realized that my faith is far from where I want it to be. Just like searching for help for Katie, I too need to find help for my faith. In fact, I should be putting all my energy into increasing my faith. Without my faith, I could be no help for Katie. Without my faith, I would be a mess during these continual battles that my children face each day.
Yet, here I was trying to figure out why my time at church was dwindling. My prayer life was just done in passing or in the car. I was feeling disconnected at church. I hadn’t committed myself fully to a bible study in over a year. What was happening?
Interesting that today of all days this was coming to a head. Thursday’s during Lent are my fasting days. Each Thursday God has brought to me tremendous strength. Because I am hungry all day long, God reminds me that He is my strength. During these days, He is foremost on my mind. Today, he was reminding me that I was working very hard at being a great mom, but the only way I can do that is through Him. I had started to tackle the job on my own, and that is not the way He would suggest going about it. He had different plans, and I wasn’t listening.
God reminded me that I need to advocate for my faith. just like I advocate for Katie – with passion and perseverence.
We all should be advocating for our own faith lives. We should pursue every avenue possible to God. We should find new and exciting ways to find our faith and return to God. Isn’t it funny how we pursue all kinds of things in our lives with a vengeance, but when it comes to our faith we settle?
Don’t settle. Pray. Search. Find God and settle yourself into his arms. He is your refuge. He is your source of all energy needed for your day.