Life got in the way today. Yes, I had been writing this difficult speech on the traps of technology and finally came up with a great plan for my talk (at about 5pm last night). I went to bed with a list in my head of what I needed for my talk:
1) Don’t forget the HDMI cable for you Surface
2) Remember you need to take an egg casserole
3) Don’t forget to bake that egg casserole first
4) Remember your speech
5) Bring a reflection for the end of the meeting
6) Make copies of your handouts
On top of all this was another list of my regular duties. You know; take my kids to school, get dressed, take my meds, unload the dishwasher, and the list goes on and on. You all know exactly what I am talking about. I spent most of the evening going through that list in my head. I had it all worked out in my mind, perfectly. That was the key – it was all perfect in my mind.
Then my mom’s words came to my mind this morning at 4am, “When you want to make God laugh, just tell Him YOUR plans.”
Oh she was so right this morning. At 4am, my door to my bedroom swung open as Katie coughed and coughed and coughed some more. Her little body was exhausted from coughing. “Mom, I am shivering. It is so cold!”
I jumped out of bed and found myself steaming up our bathroom. I was grabbing medicine left and right to ease her pains. I had a thermometer in one hand and Vicks vapor rub in another. I grabbed for Katie’s inhaler and began to administer medicine like I was an ER nurse. Behind me the entire time was our 8 month old puppy and our 3 year old golden doodle. They were rushing back and forth, room to room, panting and jumping, thinking this was some sort of really fun game. As I growled at them to get back, they jumped even higher, enjoying this little treat so early in the morning.
When I realized that Katie was not going back to sleep, we pulled all of her blankets in to our family room and snuggled up. At this point the puppy decided he too was going to stay home sick. I could hear the little bugger retching by the basement steps. “Oh God, what are you telling me here?”
At 5am, I emailed out our meeting coordinator and gave her the bad news. I wasn’t going to be able to give my speech today. Together we found a back-up plan and the morning continued on. I couldn’t understand what God’s message was to me today.
Did He have more He needed me to add to my talk?
Did He need me to slow down and regroup?
Was this a reminder that I needed Him?
Deuteronomy 30:17-18 But if your heart turns away and you refuse to listen, and if you are drawn away to serve and worship other gods, 18 then I warn you now that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live a long, good life in the land you are crossing the Jordan to occupy.
Sometimes, unknowingly, our hearts turn away from God. Maybe it is because of sin that has built up walls in our life. Maybe it is due to outside influencers. Maybe it is just the exhaustion of trying to do things according to our own plan. I don’t know what causes death of the spirit in other people, but in me it can be the tedious tasks of being a mother. Tending to ill kids day after day, week after week always gets to me. Driving around to doctor appointment after doctor appointment can really blow my routine of talking to God. The constant pull of being an attentive mom, balancing a career which is supposed to be God-centered and being a good wife can really take a toll on my spirituality.
You know why? Because I get so caught up in my plans of how that is supposed to look that I forget to ask God what He needs me to do. I forgo my time with God each morning to tend to others. Exhaustion sets in, and spiritual blow-out happens.
Maybe, just maybe God saw a spiritual blow-out about to occur and He decided to stop it before I spoke to 40 wonderful ladies today. His gentle nudge to me did not go unheard. I took in the bible this morning like no other. I tapped into Deuteronomy (the book that scares me) and let it speak to my very soul. When I allow other “things” to take over my life, the death of my spirit will happen. God needs to be first. I need to focus on God in order to speak His message clearly.
As I gave Katie a bath this morning, she said to me, “Mommy, how do you speak to all those people? Do you get scared?”
My reply was, “Not when I know I have God on my side. He wants me to speak His message and He will do everything in His power to make sure I get that message to those women. So, no I am not scared.”
Ah, but when I am scared, I know that I am not allowing God to take over. I know that I am pushing my plan into place. I realize that I am turning my heart to my own selfish desires and forgetting about God’s plan.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20 goes on to say this…
“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! 20 You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life. And if you love and obey the Lord, you will live long in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.”