As I sat and looked out at the crisp fallen snow on the ground, I prayed that God would give me insight into my blog post today. The air was chilly, and the snow was covering the brightly colored leaves on the ground. It was a spectacular sight. The first signs of winter were appearing within our Fall forest of trees. Change was appearing. It was coming whether we were ready or not. Change was looming over my backyard.
My cell phone beeped at me. As I glanced down, my dear friend, Stephanie, had sent me a text. “Since I know you have been discerning without a clear answer, I thought you might want to check out this link.”
The link took me to Fr. Dunne’s file on “Insight and Waiting.” I will post the link at the bottom of this page in case any of you are discerning and in the “waiting room” like me.
Isn’t it funny how God works? Stephanie had no idea I was sitting here contemplating change. What does change mean to me? Am I ready for change? Is God really leading me to change? Maybe I am the one wanting change. So many questions have filled my mind these last few months, as I contemplate where God is calling me.
Fr Dunne sums this all up very well. He says that when we are in that period of waiting it is similar to darkness, and we are searching for the light. Waiting opens our hearts up to God’s will. Waiting allows us to struggle, to unearth our calling, and to question where our heart lies.
I am the queen of pregnant pauses. I love to make people think in silence. It is uncomfortable (just like God’s call), and the first person to speak is usually the one that cannot stand the silence. In meetings, I can define those that truly have a hard time with silence within minutes – because they speak. Silence allows us to reflect upon what is truly in our heart. Silence allows us to move past what others think, and more what we interiorly think. Most of us are worried about the others in the room during silence, this is because we feel weird allowing silence to happen. We are afraid we are wasting people’s time with silence. We are afraid what they may think of us in that silent period.
So ultimately, we become engrossed in other people’s thoughts instead of our own – so we speak. When we learn how to be comfortable in silence, then we will ultimately look at our own hearts and see God’s Will take shape.
Waiting is the same as silence. Some people while in the “waiting room” get uncomfortable. That turns into anger because they could be doing something instead of sitting. Right? You have been there. We all have. I have been in the doctor’s office and been completely angered that I have been waiting for 30 minutes, 40 minutes, even more! Why are they keeping me waiting? Or how about a repair man coming to your house. They give you a window like 12-5p, and then they show up at 5:30p. Really? I could have been at work or going to the grocery, or whatever it is – they are wasting my precious time.
Waiting is not a natural response for us. We don’t like to be kept waiting. That is why it is so hard to discern God’s will for most of us. We just don’t know how to wait.
Waiting for God to answer us can be frustrating. The thing is we are not waiting on God. He is waiting on us. He is patiently waiting on us to see His Will. It takes time for us to change our hearts. No one likes to look inwardly at their lives and reflect on how God is going to use our past sins to guide us on a journey. No one wants to dig through all the grime to get to God’s answer.
Wouldn’t we all rather just be handed a piece of paper that list out our calling?
Unfortunately, that is not how it works. God is molding us for heaven. He wants all of us to join Him in eternal life, so he asks us to spread His message. He wants us to spread His message to others who are struggling to make it through life here on earth. He wants us to do this in our own unique way because it will ultimately touch more people. God is willing to wait for us to figure this all out. So why aren’t we?
http://faith.nd.edu/s/1210/faith/interior.aspx?sid=1210&gid=609&pgid=16951&sparam=dunne&scontid=0 (after clicking on this link, go to the bottom of Fr Dunne’s page where it was “click here to read a short article)