Isaiah 30:19-21 You people who live in Jerusalem will not weep any more. The Lord is compassionate, and when you cry to him for help, he will answer you. The Lord will make you go through hard times, but he himself will be there to teach you, and you will not have to search for him any more. If you wander off the road to the right or the left, you will hear his voice behind you saying, “Here is the road. Follow it.”
As my summer progresses, I have felt an inkling of guilt. This guilt has made me feel like I am on the wrong path. Do you know what I mean?
We all have been there. You feel stuck in a rut. Life seems monotonous. You wonder what God really wants you to do and you are pretty sure that you aren’t doing it. You want to change, but you can’t take the plunge. You are surrounded by strangers, yet you know they are your friends. You feel like you aren’t listening to some feeling, some urge or some tug that is telling you to TRY, TRY, JUST TRY! Or maybe you feel like you just keep doing the same old thing because it is the easy way. Maybe God needs you to be doing something else and you just cannot see what that is.
Do you know what I am talking about? I am always searching; searching for God’s Word, searching for God’s plan, searching for God’s love. I know He is out there talking to me, tugging me toward change that I don’t want to do. I know that I am on the wrong pathway because life is depressing. I can hear Him call through the woods, yet I cannot seem to locate His path. I feel alone, a little scared and lost. Life just seems to be passing me by. I am still living (my daily life), but yet I am not happy.
Do you ever get into this pit of life? You finally find yourself in a hole; a hole that you just cannot get out of on your own. You will hear people talk about “hitting my low point.” Sometimes God just allows us to keep going down that wrong (or maybe right) path so that we finally end up in that hole of life because then we call for Him. “Help, God, I need you now!” He sends us that ladder to climb out (which seems like such an easy solution, yet we never thought of it). It is just God’s way of showing us that we need Him.
Lately, (especially since my kids are home from school) I have felt like I am drifting off of God’s path. I have not been able to produce my usual daily blogs. Life seems to be passing me by because I am busying myself with my kids’ activities. It all seems like a blur. I lay down at night and wonder, “What did I accomplish today for God?” This is when the guilt sets in.
At first I become exhausted by all the things I have done (which mostly include driving). I feel agitated that I have done nothing for myself (no daily scripture, no run, no time for friends). I start to fall into a pit of “woe is me.” Today God reminded me of the importance of just being a mom. I felt His strength within me saying, “I love that you write my Word, but it can wait for now. I will give you the words when it is time.” I know that God needs me to tend to His kids. I also know the importance of finding a little “me” time. So tonight at gymnastics, I did – I wrote my blog. Guess what – I even got in a 3 mile run (with my son TJ) today. I spent time with my sister while her husband had surgery and I still got my kids’ to all their activities.
Yes, my book writing is on hold. Yes, my blog is turning out only two times a week. BUT I am being a mom. A mom and a wife is what I need to do. So instead of going down the path that leads to low self esteem, self hatred and depression, I have decided to head down the path that God is on. You see, I found him even through the thick forest of “woe is me.” He was there. In fact, I was on the right path, I was just at that fork in the road. I needed to make a decision – and guilt was facing me head-on.
So you won’t see me apologize for not turning out a blog daily. Nope, God has called me to be a mom this summer. I got to say, enjoying my last moments with my soon-to-be high school daughter sounds like a lot of fun (at least most of the time). Walking my 8 year old to her piano lesson down the street sounds wonderful. Running with my 13 year old son (who someday won’t want to be seen with his mom) seems like heaven.
So when you start searching because you feel like you might have strayed off God’s path, don’t panic, pray. Find time for God so He can show you what He truly wants. Listen to Him through scripture and music. Find Him at church. After all when you are lost – shouldn’t you be looking for your Father? You know where to find Him, so go there – FAST!
We tell our kids all the time, “When you are lost, find an adult to help you. Look for a police office to lead you home. Stay where you are and look for help, don’t wander too far.” Why aren’t we doing the same? Why do we keep wandering and trying to find a way on our own?