Psalm 89:15 Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord.
Over and over again I have blogged about my continued struggles with my 8 year old daughter, Katie. While things have certainly progressed positively for the last year, we still have issues that arise. This morning, through scripture, I became blatantly aware that in order for Katie to grasp on to God, she has to be able to walk in His Light. Her anxiety and intense worry keep her from doing so.
I personally, can relate to Katie’s daily anxiety and worry with my own fear of flying. When I am a day out from a flight, I start to worry and fret about flying. I start to think about the pilot and the flight attendants. What are they doing to prepare for my flight? What personal problems are they bringing to my flight that might stop them from doing the job? Then I start to think about the airplane and the logistics of flying. What mechanical issues are building on my airplane? What weather is brewing for my flight? There are so many things that go through my brain. I get to the point that I start to shake uncontrollably. I lose sleep. I worry excessively to the point of physical symptoms along with my mental issues. This is how Katie feels every day.
I just choose not to fly often, but Katie doesn’t get that choice. She wakes up in the morning feeling worry and fret and because of this she lashes out at people for no reason. She yells at us because her anxiety is brewing inside of her.
When I fly, my family and friends know that they shouldn’t talk to me. I am anxious and on edge so I just cannot take conversations. I cannot even read or concentrate on anything. I know this sounds crazy to anyone who has never experienced a panic attack, but let me tell you it is the worst experience I have had in my life. Through prayer and music (in my earbuds), I calm myself. It is a process, but it does seem to work for me.
Katie has not figured out what calms her yet. We have tried blowing bubbles, breathing deep, rubbing her back, and talking things out; but as of yet we have not found a solution. So this week, I went to a Wellness Doctor. I know it sounds crazy and weird, but I found myself looking for any solution possible. After a two hour initial appointment which included lots of blood work, urine samples and hair samples, I found myself completely exhausted. Keeping a hyperactive kid in an examine room for that long was completely exhausting to me. I fell asleep by 8pm that night.
A couple days later we went back for the results of the tests. Let me just say, it was very interesting to see what her seizure medication was doing to her thyroid, pancreas and kidneys. The doctor pegged her for a “silica” personality – which is completely true. She is smart, yet lacks self-esteem due to her high amounts of worry. We started her on some holistic medication that hopefully will balance out her body while taking her seizure medication. Along with this, I have eliminated food dyes and processed sugar from her diet (that in itself is difficult for me). Like I said, at some point (as a parent), I will try just about anything to help my little girl.
So today, I realized that my hope for Katie is that we can keep her seizure free, but also anxiety free. I want her to be able to connect with God fully so she can make good choices in life. I want her to “walk in the Light of His presence.” I also want her to wake up each morning feeling refreshed and worry free.
It is amazing what keeps us all from His Light. Sometimes it is our personality traits, and sometimes it is the stuff we try to fill our lives with. You know what I am talking about – new cars and houses, new furniture and antiques, money and kids, extracurricular events and volunteering. There are so many things that keep us from walking in His Light. You may not be able to go see a Wellness Doctor to change these things, but you may actually be able to change them yourself. Think about what is keeping you from God. What can you do to walk in His Light?