Chaos and Stress can really take over your life if you allow them. Yesterday, I would say just about everything that could go wrong, did. It was one of those days where I just sat and scratched my head and thought, “Why me, God? What are you trying to teach me today?” I pondered over whether I had been praying for patience because when I pray for patience, God usually gives me chances to practice my patience.
I looked around at my kids who seemed unphased by the chaos. They didn’t care that our power was out, that I couldn’t leave to take anyone to practices, that I was going to be late to a very important meeting, that I couldn’t watch my oldest sing because I was waiting on the power company. Oh yeah, and most importantly they didn’t seem to care that we would have no water in about 30 minutes if they kept flushing toilets because our water is on a well and it requires electricity for water pressure. No, they were running around enjoying life.
WAIT-A-MINUTE!! I should have that attitude. Oh it became very clear to me that Stress and Chaos had taken over my life. Childlike faith – the definition was becoming quite clear to me at this moment. Wouldn’t it be nice to be so naïve about the workings of the world? Wouldn’t it be nice to have no expectations that cause you anxiety? Wouldn’t it be nice to just say, “oh well, it would be nice to have power, but let’s go play.”
Pete came in around 6:30p and I was a mess. He could tell because he went right out to his barn and found generators. He had no idea how to start the generators, but he lined them up on the driveway and looked at them. I went outside to see what he was up to and realized he was just like our kids. The power outage gave him a chance to try out some new “toys.” Why was everyone having fun, but me?
I was on the phone with electricians, power companies and anyone that would help me get this problem fixed so that I could get to my very important meeting! Do you see that this was going to end very badly? When I look back on last night, I realize I was a mess. The stress of no power had tipped me over the edge. I was on the cliff, dangling by my finger when the power went out, and guess what? Yep, I lost my grip.
My faith life looks like this quite often. I try to let God control my struggles, but I just cannot help but do it myself. I can do it better. I can make the phone calls. I can get someone here NOW. Unfortunately all that work I am doing is just interfering with God’s plan. The stress of the situation gets to me (no matter what it is) and then I just take off doing the work, pursuing my plan, and stressing out all of those around me. HELLO CHAOS (also known as Anne, the mad woman who is on a mission and nothing will stop her).
Sometimes my pushiness is good, but last night, it wasn’t . It was making me physically and mentally sick. I turned into some mad, crazy, yelling woman. I brought everyone and everything into my problems. I never prayed for God’s help. I never stopped to think about how I was affecting those around me. So, if you were one of those people (and you know who you are) that I touched or spoke to last night – I am so sorry. I am sorry that I thought my plan was the best. I am sorry that I didn’t take time to pray before I spoke. I am sorry that my best friends last night were Chaos and Stress. The three of us entangled people into our plan.
So the next time I call you and I have that panic, stressed voiced – HANG UP! Tell me to call God! Don’t fall into my mission!
Thank goodness God is forgiving (and so are my family and friends). It is never too late to ask for God’s mercy. I sure am this morning. I pray that He will see the good in me. I pray that He will help me change my crazy ways. I pray that He will eliminate Chaos and Stress from my life because they are toxic friends.