Sometimes I have to wonder why on earth God chose me to be the mother of Katie. When I allow myself to remember where I was in my life when I gave birth to Katie – I was so unworthy to be her mother. I don’t mean that I was a bad person – I just wasn’t the right person. There were so many other people that God could have chosen for Katie, but he chose me. Me – impatient, scheduled, highly organized, and definitely judgmental about what raising a child should look like. Do you know anyone like that? During the last 8 years of Katie’s life, God molded and chipped away at me. He gave me the strength and the patience and the love that I never knew was within me. He showed me that the judgment I had cast on others was wrong. Not all children are alike, and not all parenting looks the same. Ouch. That was a tough lesson to learn, and quite frankly, it was very humbling. Mostly, because I thought I knew everything about being a parent. Oh, I was SO wrong. During the dark days, He was my light. He showed me how to persevere even through uncomfortable circumstances. He encouraged me to stay focused on Him and not what other people thought of my mothering skills. He reminded me that I could get through this (with His help). He nudged me to take care of my body, my soul and my heart with all He had to offer me. He provided me with everything I needed to care for my sweet Katie.
We all have stories like this. God doesn’t choose us because we are worthy. He doesn’t choose us because we are the best person for the job. He certainly doesn’t choose us because our resume is outstanding. Nope. He chooses us because he knows we are open to change. When you are open to change and what I like to call – thinking out of the box – God calls you. He loves us so much even through our unworthiness. He sees we are ready for Him to mold us into whatever He needs. We have the ability to be God’s masterpiece. We all can be this. It will take change. It will take selflessness. It will take believing beyond all; God can do anything. And, it WILL be humbling.
Let me tell you – He can make anyone worthy of His call. If he can mold me into a patient mother of a child that is stubborn, strong-willed and I might add loveable – HE CAN DO ANYTHING. The changes in my own self have been a miracle. It doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with my old self – I do. I just realize that without God, I would never have made it through the last two years of my life. I never would have persevered. I never would have stayed sane without God.
Here are some examples of those God called:
Joshua, David (remember Goliath), Matthew the tax collector, Zaccheus (who climbed the tree to see Jesus and gave half his money to the poor), Judas (who became a traitor), Moses (who murdered an Egyptian and ran from his problems), Paul (who hunted down Christians), Peter (a fisherman), Daniel (in the lion’s den)
I could go on and on. If you think that you are not worthy of God’s call – well, you probably aren’t, but the great thing is – He doesn’t care if you are worthy. He will make you worthy. Let’s face it Jesus spent most of his time with the unworthy. Wasn’t that one of the reasons he was hated by the Pharisees? He was socializing with and loving the unworthy. Jesus didn’t care if people were tax collectors, prostitutes, or sinners of all kinds. Jesus loved everyone. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39). Not just the neighbors worthy of love, but ALL of them.
Looking at the names I listed above, all of them had the ability to become great masterpieces. Some of them did and others failed, but God called them regardless. He loved them through their faults and sins. He was willing to make them worthy of His call; they just needed to be open to change: change that can be uncomfortable, change that can be seen as odd to your friends and family, and change that will transform your entire life.