I found out today that I am not perfect. It was hard for me to swallow. The stress of the move finally surfaced from the underworld. After a day of bad news from workers around my new house, I just couldn’t take it when I lost the bag that had all of our keys, garage door openers and everything of importance from our old house. I had placed them in a baggy so that I could hand them over to the people buying our house. They are moving in this morning. I was supposed to drop all of these items off last night, but in the midst of dropping off and picking up kids, I forgot. So I called to apologize and they very graciously told me it was okay to drop them off this morning. I became frantic when I couldn’t locate them (five minutes before I was getting ready to leave my house). My kids saw my panic and started moving out of my way. I mumbled to myself that this day was starting off miserably. I realized that today was the day that no one was to come to the house and two workers had already rescheduled for today. I realized that I just didn’t want anyone around. Right at this moment, my sister called to let me know that Megan (who had spent the night with her) was sick. So now I had no keys, a sick kid, two kids that needed to get to school, two workmen arriving within 30 minutes, and I lost it. I started to cry. I cried all the way to my kids’ school. In the midst of my tears, I saw the baggy of valuables for the new owners. I continued to cry even though I found them. I walked up to their house crying. Beverly greeted me with a hug. She knew all too well what I was going through; after all she was going through it to. I apologized to her that when I was cleaning my old house; I bumped my head on the toilet paper holder and broke it off the wall. I had nothing to fix it with, and so I left it. I was so sorry that they would have to deal with it. She just laughed and said that it was all fine. After hearing her talk about all the things they had been dealing with in the sale of their own home, I realized that I wasn’t alone. I don’t know why that eased my burdens, but it did.
As I sat down to type this, I realized that in the last couple of days, I had led myself to believe that I was all alone in this. I never once acknowledged what the move might have been doing to Pete, my kids, my extended family or my friends. I was so bogged down in my loneliness that I forgot about everyone else’s pain. I just couldn’t move past my own selfish pain. No doubt, I had a lot of pain this week, but so did others. Why hadn’t I called on God these last couple of days? Why hadn’t I been more kind to my family who were struggling in their own way with the move?
Stress can really push me to my limit. Stress takes my eyes off God and places it on stress. It was hard to get back to looking directly at God once again. Just blogging today has reminded me of that God is the most important part of my life; and I must have left Him in the moving truck on Friday. I needed to deal with the stress. Just what was causing all this stress on me? Well, workmen were delivering bad news that was costing me a lot of money. Money for one is a huge stressor when moving. It can really take the fun out of a new home. Also, I was getting stressed out over people not doing their jobs. You know when you move, you deal with all kinds of people. Customer service reps from cable companies, phone companies, post office, credit cards, license branches, roofing companies, carpet cleaning places, etc. There are just people that are really good at their jobs and some that are not. When I am in a stressed out situation already before I even pick up the phone – you know those customer service people better know what they are doing!
In the book of Sirach (which is a book of the Old Testament in the Catholic Bible, but not accepted in most Protestant bibles – that is a long story in itself, but it is worth a read regardless), it states, If you blow upon a spark, it quickens into flame, if you spit on it, it dies out: yet both you do with your mouth! A meddlesome tongue subverts many and makes them refugees among the peoples; it destroys walled cities, and overthrows powerful dynasties. A meddlesome tongue can drive virtuous women from their homes and rob them of the fruit of their toil; whoever heeds has no rest, nor can he dwell in peace. (Sirach 28:12,14-16)
Dang. So everytime I picked up the phone or talked with someone in person in my stressed out mode, I was asking for the flame to be fueled or even worse I was blowing out the only light that was left in my life. I needed to deal with my stress before I caused more issues. Not only was I harming myself with stress, but I was harming others (unintentionally of course).
So this morning when my workmen rescheduled for this afternoon, I decided to take a little break and read up on scripture. Get myself back to the important things in life, not the little stressors of life. I hope this works because until then, I am pretty sure I should stay away from conversations with anyone today! I plan to deal with my stress head-on today so that I can get back to building cities instead of destroying walls!