God subtly nudges you down His pathway but you don’t want to go. Maybe it doesn’t look so appealing. Maybe it is a little frightening. Maybe it wasn’t what you had planned. There are a lot of reasons we don’t want to go down God’s pathway. The pathway doesn’t always look beautiful and appealing. It isn’t always covered with flowers and lush landscapes. In fact, sometimes the path is just the opposite.
I think about this often when I think back to the days around my miscarriages. God’s pathway wasn’t so appealing to me then. It was scary and lonely (although God was always there). There were days I felt no one could understand the emotions I was experiencing. There were days I couldn’t help but be envious of my pregnant friends. There were days that I wanted to throw my arms in the air and say, “Why me, God? Why won’t you let Pete and I have a baby?”
During those days, I have to be honest; I wanted someone else’s life. I wanted a healthy body that could hold a pregnancy. I wanted to feel my baby kicking within me. I wanted to carry life once again. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the pathway that God was calling me down. What I have learned since those dark days is that God was with me all the time. He carried me through the dark and into the light. After some time had passed, I saw that my own daughter that was right here in front of me; needed me desperately. Her needs were excessive and mandatory. If I had been caring for an infant, my attention may have been focused elsewhere. I might have missed the opportunity to help my daughter find hope, self-esteem and love.
I know it is hard to believe, but today, I thank God for those very dark days. First off, I praise Him for never leaving my side. I thank Him for helping me see hope even through tragedy. I adore Him for knowing what is best for me at all times (even though I may not agree with His choice).
God’s pathway can come in all forms. It can be a diagnosis of cancer, a miscarriage, a loss of a job, a loss of a spouse, and many more dark paths. How we handle God’s pathway speaks volumes about our faith life. We can go into despair, or we can find hope. We can be envious of others, or we can find joy amidst our own sorrow. We can choose to feel lonely, or we can have the courage to see God is there for us to lean on. We can also choose at any time to leave God’s pathway and go down our own. I have opted for this before – and it was a treacherous hike for me. In the end, it probably was even harder than the path God was calling me down (because I chose to do it alone).
Many times in my life, I have kept things to myself. I have tried to conquer illness, death and tragedy on my own. I have refused to let others in my life to be my angels. I was the martyr. I didn’t need help. I didn’t need prayers. I didn’t need other’s pity. I could fight it on my own. Needless to say, the end result ALWAYS was to go back to God’s pathway. Don’t push others away during your struggles, include them. Let them pray for you. Let them help you down that dark path, so that it can become light. Let others be your flashlight. Remember God uses others to help us along the path. He NEVER leaves us alone. He will make your dark pathway, light. You just have to let Him in!
Isaiah 42:1-3 I have called you by name; you are Mine! “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. “For I am the Lord your God.